I am a slow starter on food, plus hubs worked overnight which always means I do not sleep until dawn, so I just had breakfast.
I will digress to tell you that we went to Whole Foods to get some groceries yesterday and I was fairly depressed about the money we spent on the tiny little bit of food we got. I mean, the past 3 years, I’ve been couponing and scrimping and saving and generally REALLY enjoying it. I finally learned how to save some money and damn if I didn’t ruin it all by deciding I needed to be healthier and less industrial.
I can still save money on some stuff, I suppose. Like toilet paper. But I guess I am going to have to go full-on crunchy and start making my own fucking shampoo out of tree bark and oils squeezed from my shrubs or something because if we eat nothing but non-industrial, we are going to go broke.
My husband and I are in negotiations on how the hell we are going to feed him on our budget with expensive-ass food, but so far, we have no really brilliant ideas. Talks all but fell apart over whether one chicken breast would be enough for him, because I’m all like “we can’t afford two whole chicken breasts” and he’s all like “you are trying to kill me by starving me” and I’m all like “if that’s what has to happen” and he’s all like “do NOT turn your back on your plate, bitch”.
He would never call me a bitch. And he would never admit it was him that stole my chicken. He would blame the dogs. In fact, he’d blame the smallest one because there’s no way to be mad at this dog:
Anyway, I was pretty depressed about a dozen eggs costing $6, because how in the hell could THAT be sustainable long-term? And let’s face it, I live in the city. I wouldn’t even know where to find a farm nor would I have time to go to it to buy eggs, so until I can find a local source where I can get them for less, I am stuck.
So then I cooked two of those pastured puppies, scrambled, with a little cheese, and a healthy dose of fresh salsa and oh. my. fucking. god. Those eggs were like butter. I don’t even like eggs all that much, but those healthy little fuckers were unbelievably good. I will not go back. I don’t care if they cost $6. Hubs doesn’t eat eggs so if I have to turn a dozen eggs into half a dozen meals for myself, that’s only $2/meal and maybe it’s not enough food, but it will taste better than all the other crap that I eat that costs $2. Know what I mean?
Last night, around 3am, since I wasn’t sleeping…. I cleaned out the fridge. I filled one and a half garbage bags with FOOD WE DID NOT EAT and was cursing myself the entire time. For reals, people, because we just spent $141 at Whole Foods for 2 bags of shit that we can plow through in 2 days, but I just threw away FOUR FUCKING TIMES that amount of shit we let go bad. Seriously uncool and totally not acceptable going forward with food costing us four times as much as it did before. Honestly, with coupons and sale-watching and all my many hours spent trying to lower our costs, I could stroll out of the grocery store with an overflowing buggy for $70 and at WF, we got 1/6 of that for 2x the money.
And after navigating the spaced-out crunchies and the aggressive-ass yuppies at Whole Foods for a 45 minutes and then cleaning out the fridge… it looks like I have no food and I want to cry.
I am resigned to spending more on food. I think our spending, as a nation, is out of whack. We spend something like 10% of our income on food and I am okay with it being more like 20% which is more in line with how things were before we went all industrial and engineered with our food, but I’m pretty sure that this whole Whole Foods thing is NOT going to work out for me. We, simply put, are broke-asses.
At least the money I’m saving on cigarettes is going to a good cause.
On the food tip, though, I am having one of my Ninja Foods, as well. Just listen to this list of ingredients: strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, banana, apple juice, aloe vera fillet gel, and green vibrance. Let’s face it, people: there is no way this is less healthy than a couple of Eggos or nothing at all (what I actually eat for breakfast).
I guess from now on, the answer to the question “what are we having for dinner” is going to be “whatever the fuck-all is in the fridge even if that means an apple, 1 broccoli floret, a bowl of lettuce and some leftover beans”. Those of you who do NOT eat like rabbits will appreciate that this is, in no way, a meal for a “normal” person. It sure as shit is not what my hubs thinks of as a meal. Expect grumbling.