Home » Uncategorized » No skillz, plus I feel it necessary to complain.

No skillz, plus I feel it necessary to complain.

As you can see from my little love note in the last post, I have zero graphics skills.  I did that with Instagram and Paint.  Because Paint is what all the professionals use.

By the way, how the motherlovin’ hell do all those internet kids afford Photoshop?

You can expect the occasional homemade computer craft.  Picture them as skill level construction paper + glue stick, aka 4-year-old.

With that out of the way, I wish to complain now about Valentine’s Day.  I don’t care for it.  I know that this is not original.

Still, I feel largely resentful about a day that I personally don’t care about, but am compelled to participate in.  I have neither the courage of my convictions nor the willingness to get into the spirit.  I am a hostage of this holiday-on-paper.  I don’t want to celebrate it, but I feel bad if I get nothing.  I don’t think it is a valid reason to buy crap for my husband, but I would surely be mad if he did nothing at all for me.  I guess I might not be mad if he and I had a grown-up discussion where we decided, mutually, that we were no longer going to buy into it and therefore were going to boycott it in future years.  However, he and I are not grownups, plus there is no way he is going to buy into that EVER, no way, no how, because he likes to buy stuffed animals and heart-shaped boxes of candy and be all romantic and sentimental and touchy-feely.  I, of course, am a dream-killing machine.

By that, I mean, I am a practical person with a lot of stuff to do.  So I get lazy or unmotivated or something.  It really is about this particular holiday, though, because I am nowhere near as lazy about Christmas or birthdays.  I may be slightly lazy about my anniversary, but that is because that day happens also to be my birthday.  A terrible, terrible mistake I made before I realized exactly how crappy it was to have to share my one Hazl-day of the year with my husband.

So anyhoo.

It isn’t that I don’t love my husband or want him to be happy and have chocolates.  It’s just that I prefer to not have to meet a deadline for such things.  This V-Day, in particular, sneaked up on me and caught me totally unprepared.  Plus the hubs gave me a card that says things like “even though we fight n shit” which makes me wonder if there is some problem he needs to talk to me about (like, how I am ornery and unromantic and have a temper) or if Hallmount (can I say their real name?  Does that open me up to anything, liability-wise?  Does it make me an advertiser for them?  WTF?) card writers sit around talking about how relationships are so jacked up that we need to start openly discussing it in greeting cards so that the card-buying public isn’t disenfranchised from the whole card-buying experience?  And philosophically speaking, shouldn’t we just edit out the “realism” and stick with the sentiment because, at a minimum, shouldn’t a greeting card focus on the the good stuff and let real life handle the bad?

I am just saying that when I go to a store to buy a greeting card, I don’t really want it to say “I’m sorry I was a bitch this morning because you pissed me off by doing EXACTLY what I asked you NOT to do, you boneheaded appleseed” or “I’m sorry that I scream for 20 minutes too long every time we fight and sometimes even when we’re not actually fighting and I’m just overreacting as usual”.  I would prefer that the card I give my hubs said something like “I just love you” and leave it at that.  Because he already knows that I’m a psycho and probably just wants to hear something nice once in a while.  Which, frankly, really needs to be said by a greeting card because I don’t like saying nice things as they always sound forced and fake.

Gee, I love you.

See what I mean?

Now that I feel guilty for being such a sourpuss about Valentine’s Day when my hubs is so.darn.sweet, I feel I must shower and shave things because the least I can do is throw a little lovin’ his way, since that and some candy is pretty much all it would take for him to be happy.  Plus, I do like buying him candy.  I got that part!  I know all his favorites and there always things like penguins that poop jellybeans to lighten the mood.

This is the stuffed animal I got today:

photo (36)

It is both adorable and terrifying.

And let me leave you with two interesting facts:

1.  My hubs does not know about this blog.  Which was fine when no one read it, because if a tree falls in the woods and I blog about it, but no one reads it, it never happened.  So now you (lovely, adorable, wonderful) people who have read something on this godforsaken page have RUINED it and now I have to tell him.

and

2.  I got ANOTHER comment.  From someone else!  Who has also made my day!  What in actual fuck is going on here?   Now all I am thinking is “Don’t you people realize that I have no skills?” and “how in the hell am I supposed to keep coming up with valentine card ideas?” and “I am running out of things in my office to take pictures of? and “I am really embarrassing myself, now”.

God, I love you people.

And that wasn’t fake at all.

xo

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