I adore Pinterest. I mean, FINALLY… porn for women. Pinterest is nothing but cleaning porn, decor porn, craft porn, clothing porn, hot & mysterious men porn, and every other kind of porn image that a woman could love. No, it is not heavily influenced by male porn as it lacks a preponderance of nudity, sex acts, and degrading positions to place a woman in… but it is still porn. Show of hands, ladies.. has anything on Pinterest every gotten you feeling a little frisky? Hell yeah, you know it has.
I have always heard, and heartily believed, that men were visual, women were aural. So men like porn, women like to hear (as in, talk dirty to me). As it turns out, women can spend hours looking at pictures, too. Of cleaner houses, prettier rooms, cooler outfits, better hair, blah blah blah. It’s not that we aren’t visual, it’s that image after image of sex is not always what turns us on. It’s not even what mostly turns us on. Don’t argue with me on this one. I know some women like real porn. I know some are turned on by it. I know some like it as much as the average man does. That is not the point, and you know it. Although, if all the cute crafts on Pinterest had hot, naked men making them, that might be a turn-on. Just saying.
Speaking of Pinterest porn, the fingernail porn kills me. I have been so inundated by cute/cool/pretty manicures on Pinterest that I started doing my own nails, something that I used to let the nail salon handle for me years ago. I abandoned nails, though, because mine suck so I was stuck with fake ones and that’s expensive and time-consuming, so bag it. I mean, I do have short, stubby man-hands and I am constantly doing stuff so no real-nail manicure holds up for more than a few days, so the falsies make my hands look so (soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) much better and they last a lot longer. Still, I decided to get a grooming kit and some couponed nail polishes and I’ve been DIY’ing my nails for about a year. My results are horrible. Yes, I can improve the look of my bizarrely dry and mangled and fast-growing cuticles, and I can even improve the look of my flimsy and splitt-y and short/chipped/uneven nails, but ain’t nobody mistaking my work for a real manicure. My nails just straight up suck. But I consoled myself with the money-saving and the fun colors. But the fun colors don’t even last 24 hours when I do it myself. I mean, seriously, I can do 1 coat or 2, a basecoat and/or topcoat, a nail hardener or a gel, but that shit is peeling or chipping off before it’s even dry. If I can even get it to dry before ruining it. (Hairdryer, hello, only way I can escape a self-manicure without a serious smudge).
So I threw in the towel and went to a nail salon for a manicure. Which turned into a set of acrylics. But it didn’t go well.
I allowed myself an hour and a half for a 45 minute appointment. There were all of 3 people in the salon and 5 ladies working. It still took them 30+ minutes to even start on me. And the lady’s english was terrible. And she cut me… DEEP.. with the nail file. On a high-use finger, on my right-handed hand, and then doused it in the stings-for-24-hours-stuff, and giggled about it. And that was last week. I still have the sore finger and the cut, thank you very much. AND she did them too thick so I can’t pick my nose or scratch an itch. So the color is nice and that’s holding up very well, thanks, but it wasn’t worth it. $35 for aggravation and pain and some fake nails that will need filling in another few days from now, but that shit is so not happening.
Disappointing. Not as disappointing as, say, getting nothing for Christmas or finding out your husband lied to you about something really big and important, but still, disappointing enough to say “screw you little nail ladies, I’m out”.
And now I have to start from scratch and with a half-moon indention in my nails after I bite these suckers off, which I will certainly do the first time one chips or breaks or gets all flappy and loose.
In other news, I have been jonesing for a bookcase for my unread books that tend to pile up around here as I have far more desire than time to read.
I found this cute little guy last night and I LOVE it. Bonus: I did not have to assemble or paint it. It just came CUTE. And that is my stack of books to read. 40 of them. There’s another 7 or 8 on my Kindle, too. I’m in a book club, which I love, but damn, that one book a month they make me read really cuts into my reading time. That said, my goal for the year is to read each and every book in my possession that has not yet been read as well as the 12 book club books. Reading is a major priority for 2013. 58 books. That’s the goal. Last year I read about 40 books. A pitiful number for me since I read pretty darn fast, but I was tired a lot and worked a lot, and watched a lot of TV. What I need is about 20 more hours in my week. 10 for reading, 10 for doing homely crafts or crafty home stuff. Okay, plus a bonus 10 for more sleep. If anyone is reading this, see what you can do about adding some hours to the week, please. I’ve tried sacrificing sleep, but that only works for about 4 days, then I need a damn nap.