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2 topics, one post

So in my quest for greater health, I have experimented with a number of recipes.  I really am no kind of cook.  My skills are remedial, at best, although I am fast improving them.    As one who pins on Pinterest, almost obsessively, I refuse to pin without trying as many of the DIY/recipe/inspiration pins as I possibly can, so a lot of the recipes that I’m trying came directly from Pinterest.  Last night, I made hummus (a first).  I had a very late lunch so wasn’t all that interested in dinner and hummus with veggies seemed like a good idea.  It was easy to make and very good.  I have no pictures, but I will try to remember to do so in the future.

Tonight, I wanted soup so I made Tom Ka soup.  It’s the second time I’ve made it – both times were pinned recipes and both were slightly different.  Tonight’s was quite good, I have to say.  I don’t know if anyone else would think so.. how do you know?.. but I loved it.  It actually wasn’t that hard to make, although it does call for quite a few ingredients, none of which would a regular gal have on hand, so god bless my new foods or I wouldn’t have had any of the Tom Ka crap on hand.  Seriously, what person who doesn’t cook, doesn’t know how, and goes out to eat a lot, has lemongrass and fresh ginger and fish sauce on hand?  Just saying.  For the record, whenever I have Tom Ka soup in a restaurant, I swear I could eat it every day.  It’s true for the stuff I just made, too.

And again, no picture, but maybe one day soon I will remember to snap one before devouring.

My next topic is..

The comments on me having lost weight are rolling in.  At least 7 or 8 people have mentioned it in the past couple of weeks.  I really don’t have a scale and weight loss is really not the goal (although, it’s probably necessary to achieve what I want to achieve), so I cannot definitively say how much weight I’ve lost.  I have no idea what I weighed when I started making the changes to my nutrition, but I can say this…   I recently went to a doctor to start addressing my litany of complaints and they weighed me there.  The last time I was weighed was 2 years ago, the last time I went to a doctor that wasn’t one who works out of a closet at the local drug store.  From that visit to the most recent one, I guess I’ve lost 5o lbs.  And I guess that’s a lot?

So far, folks have said things like “you look so skinny” which is laughable since I’m still at least 150 lbs overweight (teehee).  That person doesn’t really know me all that well, so they just blurted it out.  Most folks are hedge-betters who say things like, “so since you started eating better, have you noticed that your clothes are looser or anything?”  Why, yes, I have. “Yeah, I was going to say, you look a lot thinner.”  Ha!  Come on, puss, just SAY it.  You know I’m going to sass your ass no matter what you say, so don’t try to avoid it by tiptoeing, prancer.  Those folks aren’t good friends so much as folks that I am required to have in my life.  Then there are the good friends who say things like, “you’re losing weight!”.  Suffice it to say, no one is saying nothing.  My weight is a giant issue for folks, whether they are well-intended or not.

I’m not mad at the comments, but I’m not particularly pleased with them, either.  I can’t quantify my weight loss because maybe I lost the 50lbs over the entire course of the 2 years?  Or maybe I lost it all last week?  I have no idea.  And although we all know that excess weight causes problems all by itself, my goal is not to be on a diet.  I could give two craps about that because I see no way to make a diet succeed long term.  My focus is entirely better health.  Whatever that means.  If that means supplements, fine.  If it means eating better, fine.  If it means more exercise, yoga, meditation, or acupuncture, fine.  I plan to take a holistic approach from now until forever.  These changes aren’t a diet and they aren’t about dress size.  As much as folks don’t mean to be shallow, not one person has said, “you look healthier!”  And that is my point.  Perhaps folks think that saying I’ve lost weight implies better health, as in, it goes without saying, but I can tell you the excess weight has been a source of constant judgment and losing it is, as well.  Maybe everyone sees it as positive, but they’re still judging.

If I let it, it could feel like pressure.  Pressure to lose weight.  Pressure to be thin.  Pressure to fit everyone’s idea of normal.  And every last one of them has heard me say it’s about health, not about weight, so you can’t say it’s obliviousness.

I appreciate that everyone is pleased with my weight loss progress, but it’s kind of bullshit.  It’s not surprising, it’s just bunk.

In my youth, I swear to god, if someone said anything at all about my weight (good OR bad), I felt overwhelming urges to eat out of spite.  It was almost like I was so angry at anyone for thinking it is their business, that I wanted to eat pie in defiance.  Defiance pie.  Thankfully, those days are gone.  A girl can’t eat spite and expect to be healthy.

At any rate, I set my course and while there will be days and weeks and maybe months when I give up temporarily (hello Thanksgiving?), I’m not someone who can believe with all their heart in something and ignore that belief.  And I do believe, in the end, that we are what we eat.  Whether it be fruits, veggies, meat, wheat, defiance pie or spite.

xo

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